When I was struggling with food, constantly bingeing and restricting, I felt like a terrible mother. I lived in my head 24/7 and was consumed with what I could and couldn't eat. This meant I had little headspace for my boys, they weren't my obsession - food was.
The tragic thing about it is that I knew what was going on yet I really couldn't see any way out.
The worst days were the ones following a binge and/or purge. I would hate myself so so much which meant that the slightest whinge or moan from the boys would send me in to meltdown.
I literally could not handle their behaviour because I was at war with myself. I would scream, shout, pull my hair out...
Then hate myself and feel even more ashamed for not dealing with things better when I knew deep down that I could if only I could get a grip.
I was never really present which they picked up on and that just meant that they craved my attention even more, my youngest especially!
This is something that so many of my clients also struggle with.
They come to me knowing that they cannot carry on as they are but are so lost with how to change things.
Whilst they know another diet is not the answer, it is their safety net. They feel like it will give them the control they think they need to establish healthy boundaries. But all it does is exasperate the desperate situation and feed the never ending miserable cycle.
There is another way.
It took me years to figure it out on my own and now I am helping clients get there too just at a much quicker pace.
The truth is, we never stop working on ourselves but doing so from a peaceful, stress free place is a far happier place to be. For ourselves as well as our children and those closest to us.
Read here for more details on how my 1-2-1 programme works.